How to Select A Pornstar

Selecting to hire a professional is a daunting task, I know. While a profile may look great, it can still seem like such a gamble because you never really know how things will go. And so much time, energy, safety, and coin is on the line too.

I know because I’ve been in your shoes PLENTY of times, and learned the hard way. The first time I hired a pornstar I was bewitched by beauty of the virile stud in the pictures. I didn’t bother reading anything nor asking anything, I just showed up as agreed, handed over a fistful of cash, and was treated to an experience almost as arousing as a dental exam. When he pulled out some straight porn I asked if he was straight and he sheepishly admitted he was. At first this was arousing – I mean, who hasn’t thought of this fantasy? But that arousal quickly faded when I soon noticed that he had to practically ignore me to stay aroused with his eyes glued to the porn. I was permitted to taste the condom on his cock, but was scolded to stop salivating so much. With zero desire and zero warmth coming from him, I felt like an imposition which was a total boner killer. I packed it up after 15 minutes (45 minutes early) and left with an empty wallet feeling slightly ripped off. Upon reflection, I realize that a lot of my unspoken expectations went unmet and it would be up to me to vet candidates better and make my expectations clear. Even that’s not foolproof, but it’s better than how I chose this opportunist.

Since then, I’ve gotten much better at my selection process, looking far beyond just sexy pics. Plus I literally earned a Masters degree in employee selection (no joke), so I’ve really honed my selection technique. Lucky for you, I have some very experienced tips to help you make this important decision and increase your odds of selecting a good fit for a great experience. This won’t guarantee a winner, but it will increase your chances of a better time for sure.

Plus, these principles apply in any area of life we are selecting folks to meet and connect virtually or in real life, from platonic to sexual.

1. CRITERIA: The first thing to do is to get clear on your hiring criteria. Start by listing the requirements of your pornstar and your scene. Not just the physical and demographic attributes, but the activities such as bottoming, rimming, oral, etc. If a hard penis is required, include it! Don’t take that for granted! Then list out the personality characteristics & attitude(s) for the scene you require. For me, this includes enthusiasm, sex-positive, & non-judgmental. A warm personality and comfortable conversational chemistry is essential even if I’m looking for a stern power dom attitude in the scene. Then list out any required abilities & skills such as being good at hot verbal. Consider including the following personality traits which are universally necessary for a good employee in any field:

   • Conscientious, as defined by Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/conscientiousness Signs that a pornstar is conscientious: They demonstrate they are thorough & thoughtful in their profile & website, they bother with the details, they provide ample information, they answer some of your questions before you ask them. In conversation, they ask questions to find out more and add to the conversation thoughtfully. They go above and beyond what others do.
     
     

   • Growth-mindset: People with a growth-mindset are curious and seek to learn and grow, per https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/growth-mindset You want someone who is curious about you and your needs and will at least try to learn the specifics of what and how to make a quality experience for you, since everyone is so different. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that what works for you should be obvious – eroticism is very different from person to person. You should know this looking at the wide variety of porn. Some people get off on being humiliated while others find that abhorrent. Look to find someone interested in learning what works for you. Signs that someone has a growth mindset to learn how to tailor their service to your unique needs: they get curious and ask questions to seek clarity about you & your desires. They suggest various thoughtful possibilities for you to choose from.
     
     

   • Intelligent: in order to learn how to love you, a pornstar has to have at least a certain level of intelligence. Intelligence is the speed at which we can assimilate and understand new information, associate it with pre-existing knowledge, sense and figure out unspoken cues and creatively implement behavior based on that information. Signs that a pornstar is intelligent: They understand things quickly, have relevant insightful suggestions, comments, & questions as they try to understand you. You feel like they “get you.”
     
     

   • Wise: Wisdom is the amount of knowledge acquired that can be harnessed to make your experience great. This is acquired through education (both formal & informal) and life experience. Signs that a pornstar has wisdom: They offer nuggets of wisdom in your screening conversation. They ask questions that demonstrate wisdom. They share intelligent insights or demonstrate advanced social, relational, or erotic skills.
     
     

2. SEEK HONESTY: Now the trick is to go look for clues that a pornstar meets your requirements. But remember that some professionals are authentic, honest & real about who they are and what they are willing & unwilling to do. There are even some that are enthusiastic about your scene. Who doesn’t want enthusiasm? Even more rare are those who have the life experience, growth mindset, and erotic education to uplevel the arousal and experience of your scene in ways you never imagined. I’ve hired based on videos that show an erotic uplevel that I want to experience, with delightful results. These are the kind of professionals to keep an eye out for, and in the following steps I’ll show you the clues to look for that you may have stumbled upon one, and the strategies to confirm it. But remember, some are skilled at writing a profile that conveys this, and some are not. Some are photogenic and others are better looking IRL.
   
   

3. AVOID FAKERS: On the other hand, like all professions, there are some workers that are selfish, trying to get away with the absolute minimum to get paid, or even less. They may be uninterested, dishonest, deceptive, disdainful, or disrespectful toward their clientele. Unless this is your kink, you likely want to avoid these kind of ‘fakers.’ They might agree to all the requirements of your scene and then take your coin with no intention of delivering. A good looking colleague of mine admitted faking orgasm as a top with clients within the first 15 minutes so he can rush out the door. When I admitted “Wow, I never leave before the end of an agreed session,” he scoffed “fuck those assholes!” While there is no bullet-proof method for sniffing out these kind of fakers, here are some warning signs that you may be interacting with one:

   • Building a business based solely on good looks but providing lousy service will more often result in one time clientele, with markedly less repeat clientele. This may mean an extensive travel business strategy rather than being able to work sustained in one place, relying on the novelty factor to get new business since repeat business is rare. Have a look at the reviews: do they include repeat reviews from repeat customers? Even better if the comments written in the reviews provide some detail, but worse if the comments written in the reviews seem fake. Read more in the section about Reviews below.
     
     

   • They may write or say very little in the “About Me’ & ‘Interview’, not wanting to commit nor confine their offerings to anything that may reduce their appeal. Or the writing is so general as to try to entice anyone of any predilection. They may make arrogant and impossible claims like “I’m the best you’ll ever have.” How do they know what you’ll ever have or that they’re even your type? Even if they are HOT AF, are they really so naïve to believe that every single person wants them and will have the best experience? How do they substantiate being good at what they do, let alone the best?
     
     

   • In communication with them, they may give themselves away by answering ‘yes’ to anything you ask for, which may be a red flag. You want to look for someone who will assert their boundaries. If your scene is super vanilla that most folks would agree to every part, then I might instead start with the question “What are your limits/boundaries?” to ensure they are willing to be honest. Who says yes to everything? Someone who’s business model is to just say yes to get the coin, without any intention of quality follow through. And even if they do say yes and oblige every request, they’re not going to be enthusiastic about something beyond their own boundaries.
     
     

   • Follow your gut here. It indicates your subconscious is picking up on signals that your consciousness will need more time and possibly even never understand. If my gut says no, I say NO, even if I’m hard AF!
     
     

4. WORK SAMPLE: One of the single best predictors of performance is to get a sample of their work. Does the pornstar actually demonstrate their claims or demonstrate they have what it takes to meet your requirements? In this case it might be to watch a video of the pornstar in action, even better if you can see them in action with folks like you. Or it may be demonstrated in pics or the text they’ve written in their profile. Another way would be to take the time to have a phone conversation interview with them, as a sample of how they might interact in person. See if they can demonstrate (briefly) the dynamic you’re looking for. 
   
   

5. PHOTOS: Do you feel like you are getting a full sense of what this person actually looks like from all angles? Or is some body part consistently hidden, obscured, blurred, or posed in a potentially deceptive way? If some body parts are shown only from a weird angle, what are they hiding? If you’re looking for a hard cock do they have at least one pic or video of their cock fully erect? I’m personally not a body fascist, and can find beauty in almost everyone (honestly). What’s more important to me is the chemistry and energy between us, which is hard to predict from just pictures although the phone interview we discuss further can help. What is really hot is someone who is shamelessly willing to bear it all (at least in private pics), not hiding even the parts that we all know society wouldn’t rank in the hottest categories. Of course most of us have insecurities about at least one physical feature, who wouldn’t in this youth & beauty obsessed culture? If you see a pornstar willing to proudly share even their “imperfections”, won’t they likely be more able to embrace your imperfections so that you can feel more comfortable and sexy? I think everyone deserves that. Follow your gut here, it usually knows better than your dick.
   
   

6. VIDEOS: while you might find sufficient videos to watch on a pornstar’s twitter or other websites, if not then consider paying for membership, if even just for one month to inspect these work samples before hiring someone. At worse, videos will tell you nothing about a pornstar. At best, you’ll get some valuable info well worth the $11 you paid to spare you a several hundred dollar fiasco. See the “Work Sample” section further.
   
   

7. FACIAL EXPRESSIONS: What emotions & attitudes are you looking for in a suitable professional? Do you see those conveyed somewhere in the portraits or videos you see? How does it feel in your body when you see that? Good & authentic? Or fake and posturing? I personally need some warmth and connection with anyone I want to meet, even if my scene is serious or I’m looking for a stern dom, so I’m looking for any picture of an authentic smile that gives me a warm feeling, even if I also want to see other pics with expressions of power and maybe even a sexy, cocky attitude. Do any images creep you out or convey drug intoxication to you? I’m surprised by how many profiles lack smiles. I connect with dudes who don’t take themselves so seriously.
   
   

8. BODY LANGUAGE: What emotions & attitudes are conveyed in the portraits or videos you see? If you’re looking for warmth do you feel that from any of their pictures? How about power? dominance? humor? Many of us are very versatile and you may see their submissive part in one photo and their dominant part in another. You might want to ask in a phone interview as discussed further. Some of us may be marketing a specific specialization (as I do with my sweet dom daddy-ness), and so avoid showing a delightfully versatile nature that may contradict or confuse their target brand. So feel free to ask even a Sweet Dom Daddy how he plans to take your dick, young buck.
   
   

9. ABOUT ME: How much information does the provider include in the ‘About Me’ section? If you read mine, you’ll see I use up all the space to give you as much clear information as I can to help you make a decision. If they don’t provide much information at all, what are they hiding? Do they talk only about themselves? Do they show any consideration of you the reader and what you might want to know about them (e.g. the experience they provide)? Do they offer any specialties? Feel free to ask them. What do their hashtags convey? If you see absolutely NO text in the ‘About’ section, check their profile 6-12 hours later as a recent re-write may have been held up in review. 
   
   

10. RM INTERVIEW: The interview section of Rentmen provides pornstars ample opportunity to provide you with further information and a better sense of their personality & offerings. A provider who diligently took the time to write thoughtfully is likely to be more considerate, conscientious, and understanding, even prioritizing your experience. Do their responses talk about what you, a prospective client, might be curious to know? Information that gives you a better sense of what your time with them will be like? Give you sense of their wit or conversational style? Or maybe responses are brief and self-centered, providing you with zero information to help you predict what your time together might be like? Do you get a sense of how thoughtful and considerate they might be? The energy they may bring to your experience?
    
    

11. LINKS: Does this professional have a website? Review it with all of these points in mind to get a better sense of what this person might be like. Do they have a twitter account? What do you see & read in their posts? Their pics & videos?
    
    

12. REVIEWS: This section can be really helpful. When clients leave reviews for pornstars there is a freeform text box for comments they can leave about the pornstar, which make invaluable reads beyond the simple 5 star rating. Unfortunately those comments are hidden from USA visitors to the website to comply with regulations. I highly recommend that you use a VPN to Canada or Europe to read comments, (such as the free one in the Epic browser). If you don’t see any or few reviews, why? Check their ‘Member Since’ date, they may be new. If they’ve been on for ages without any reviews, that’s not a good sign. Feel free to DM any client who reviewed a pornstar with any questions. I’ve seen some reviews that are obviously fake. Here’s some signs of potentially fake reviews:

    • Real clients are likely to review more than one pornstar, unless their “Member Since” date shows they are new to the site.
      
      

    • Repeat clients may review a pornstar more than once (for each experience), which is a good sign that clients like this pornstar enough to keep coming back.
      
      

    • Fake reviews can be arranged by the boatloads using contractors as found on ffiver or upwork. These contractors may create several client profiles and since they tend to write English as a second language (ESL) their comments may be quick basic statements like “he was nice” or “nice guy” and you may see the same theme repeated across many reviews. While this may show initiative from the pornstar, it is rather deceptive so how well can you trust their word?
      
      

    • Feel free to DM the client of any review. Fake reviewers are less likely to reply, and may no longer be active on the site. When one of my clients investigated another pornstar like this, they found that the pornstar required a positive review before even commencing any session, making them hardly authentic!
      
      

13. “I AM INTO”: If the pornstar includes EVERYTHING in this section, they might be super flexible or might be another faker. Some will just say yes to get your coin. Does it at least include what you like?
    
    

14. EFFORT: Taking into account all of the above: how much effort have they put into representing themselves? Do they have the clarity, self-respect, and maturity to assert their boundaries, confident that even with the limited audience that creates that they will succeed? How much do they consider what YOU want to read, see, and feel to accurately know them and make your decision? I definitely want to employ folks who prioritize my desires (within their boundaries) since I’m paying. Overall, did the provider take all of these opportunities to help you decide? Or are they focused on themselves? Their diligence & consideration in creating a profile may indicate their diligence & consideration in ensuring you have a quality experience.
    
    

15. REACHING OUT: If a pornstar has made it this far and looks good so far, you’re still likely to have some questions particular to you and your scene. It’s most likely still unclear that your pornstar meets at least some of the requirements on the list you made at the beginning of this journey. And even if not, it’s good to see how they interact with your personality in a live, synchronous voice conversation. A good old fashioned phone call. Don’t be shy to ask for facetime, because facial expressions convey alot of unspoken information.
    
    

16. HOW TO TALK TO A PORNSTAR: Before directly communicating with a pornstar, you need to know exactly how to talk to a pornstar, and how NOT to talk to a pornstar. In the USA, it IS ILLEGAL to hire someone for sex, but it IS LEGAL to hire someone to film them having sex. Asking questions like ‘How much for a blowjob?” are illegal and may offend, so avoid them. Instead, first confirm a pornstar’s interests and abilities with questions like “Are you into….? Can you…? How about…?” Then, when a pornstar has ticked all your boxes, follow up with “What is your rate?” Or “what is your donation?” I personally assume you are paying for my time for an unfilmed audition unless you offer the details of how it will be filmed and distributed as well as submit a royalty agreement for us to sign. Now that you have your pornstar and know how to talk to them, this would be a good time to call or reach out to the pornstar and ask if they have time for a quick call to discuss your scene. For example: “Hey man I love your profile, I’d love to chat with you briefly on the phone about my scene, when are you available for that?” I know we live in the age of texting and some will want to stick only to text this is a bad idea – hear me out in the next item below.
    
    

17. PHONE INTERVIEW: Why does it seem so weird to ask someone to an interview for a job? This is your job you’re hiring for, who hires someone without an interview? There are so many reasons that a phone conversation is vastly superior to texting for this purpose. First – it’s far more efficient. A 15 minute phone conversation could literally take days between extended delays as each of you are interrupted by other life tasks. Second – it’s far more accurate. We get a much better sense of someone through nonverbal signals such as their tone, pace, facial expressions. Third – it limits negative mistaken assumptions. Misunderstandings can be immediately clarified before they fester and rot over hours as they do with text messages. Forth- it gives a better sense of chemistry. After all – are you going to spend your scene texting each other or actually connecting IRL?
    
    

18. INTERVIEW QUESTIONS: You are hiring for a porn scene so it’s important to be clear and ask if they are into the activities of your scene “Are you into x, y, z? Can you guarantee your dick will get and stay hard for this scene?” “Do you have any requests, boundaries, limits I should know about, like no kissing, don’t look at me?” (or any other things you want to ensure are ok). Be sure to clarify and confirm any specific requirements. For myself, this includes “I cannot be around T nor T users, I like  poppers, and no fragrances, does that work for you, or are we not a match?” And finally, “What is the donation for your time?” Make time for small talk to see if your interaction feels comfortable, but respect the pornstars time and be efficient and respectful. Afterward, reflect: Do you get a warm connected feeling in the conversation? Do they ask you any questions, show any interest in you and your needs? Do they demonstrate some trustworthiness by clarifying boundaries even at the risk of losing your interest? Follow your gut here.
    
    

19. TEXTING: First read “Phone Interview” above to understand why texting can be a bad idea. If you’re going to text, do not make any assumptions if you don’t get a timely reply. In fact, don’t expect a timely reply. Check your assumptions. Afterall, you have no idea what they are doing on the other end of the conversation. And actually, if they are an interesting and successful provider, they are more likely to have a busy life full of distractions and appointments and competing conversations and attention that make their responses even less timely. If you get confused, or emotionally charged, or distraught, then try calling them or setting up a call for clarification. Text is best for setting up a time to talk on the phone.
    
    

20. MEETING: Now you’ve finally made your selection & you’re going to meet your pornstar, yay! If you are nervous meeting someone for the first time, you may feel more comfortable meeting them outdoors in public for a short walk around the block for a quick friendly chat to at least make sure they don’t seem sketchy. Then you can move to the agreed location for your time together. If you want your pornstar to relax and deliver quality service it’s a good idea to layout your full donation in cash nearby (e.g. on a desk or table) for them to inspect so they know you have no intention of ripping them off (we’ve all been ripped of at some point or another). Otherwise, they’re likely to be distracted by at least a little anxiety (if not alot) wondering if you’re trustworthy. Don’t be shy to ask them to leave it where you left it until the end of the session if that will help calm your anxiety. Now, this is your time, so be sure to ask for what you want! Even those of us who are experienced & intuitive who often get you without words make mistakes – we’re not mind readers. If you find it challenging to know what or how to ask for what you want you should consider working with a sex & intimacy coach like me. Maybe you’re a people-pleaser or feel ashamed of your sexual desires. That’s very common in our sex-negative, shame-riddled culture. It’s not your fault. You deserve to reclaim the erotic empowerment that’s been stolen from you and a sex coach like me can help. Whether we meet IRL or over Zoom, clothes off or on, I can help you understand your authentic eroticism and how your desires are perfectly natural and normal, no matter how ‘unusual’ they may seem. I can help you figure out how to fulfill those desires in a safe, sane, consensual way – with or without me. I want you to live your sexiest life!
    
    
21. REVIEW: Each time you select and hire a pornstar, you should reflect on your selection strategy and your experience with the pornstar to review how successful your strategy worked at nailing a quality experience. See what worked, what didn’t, and find what would work better next time. These strategies are helpful but not 100% foolproof. Even with the best selection strategy, there is a certain dud factor. You WILL hire a dud every now and then, but hopefully less than before. One time I followed most of this advice while recruiting a pornstar for a specific scene. I approached several candidates and clearly laid out the rather rare requirements of my scene in fine detail (with no surprises upon meeting). This was effective at pre-filtering several disinterested pornstars, which is great because the scene required enthusiasm. When one guy responded with interest, I sent him my pictures & videos so he saw who he was working with. I had a great conversation with him where he assured me he was into it, and we vibed well which left me confident of a great experience. And it was, for the first 15 minutes when (unrequested by me) he ejaculated and promptly bolted, citing “Catholic guilt.” So even with all of my advice and all of the diligence, predicting performance is numbers game: you can improve your chances, but not guarantee a winner. Upon reflecting on the Catholic Jizz Boy Disaster, I thought – That is not something I’d ever do to someone paying for my time! If this were any other business I’d talk to the manager and get my money back! Through hiring other pornstars like this I know what it’s like on your end. And I know how lame much of my competition is. I always aim to please, and I’m proud to consistently delight clients. I know what it’s like to, even after all this due diligence, hire and be deceptively disappointed. And since I never do that to my clients, I decided at that moment to start offering a 100% risk-free satisfaction guarantee for every session I am hired for. On the one-in-a-million chance that a session goes pear-shaped and I forfeit my rate, it would be worth it for the other 999,999 sessions to assure clients, new and old, that I will put my donation on the line to guarantee their satisfaction. I promptly drafted totally reasonable conditions to this offer fair for all of us, and I will guarantee your satisfaction for every scene within those conditions. Watch, listen, and read all about that right here: https://intimateabundance.com/satisfaction-guaranteed So the question you might ask prospective pornstars is: “Will you guarantee my satisfaction? What conditions do you have to that guarantee and will I get my money back if unsatisfied?” If a pornstar has no conditions to such a guarantee, they either haven’t thought it through or they are bullshitting you. Neither is a good sign. It’s unrealistic for a pornstar to guarantee satisfaction in all conditions. You’ll see what I mean when you watch, listen, & read all about my statisfaction guarantee here. If you still don’t see what I mean, ask me when we talk in a free consultation phone call you can book here. 

As you can see, there are many ways to improve your chances of choosing for a quality experience. If this extensive list of approaches leaves you feeling overwhelmed, fear not. Even starting out with a few of the above guidelines can steer you in a better direction, and mistakes are a part of the learning process. There are a lot of quality providers out there, and you can always come back to this article to add to or modify your selection approach over time. Besides, even following all of this advice to the letter won’t guarantee you a great experience. But it will give you a much better chance of a good time.

This is just a small sample of the wisdom and experience that I share in my coaching practice. I coach clients live in person or via Zoom from across the planet and my coaching sessions are far more affordable and transformative than my pornstar services. Let’s discuss the many ways I can help you in or out of the bed in a free phone consultation. We can get acquainted and I can describe my approach specific to your situation. You can call or text me at +1-415-891-1919, but the easiest way is to schedule a call here.

However you choose to proceed from here, I hope it exceeds your hottest fantasies 😉

-Jake